Watch out…I think this might be another one of those personal reflection posts (joy!)
I am having a bad day today. Emotional, SORE, tired and just plain upset with myself. I take on too much and then get so surprised when I can’t handle it all. I am sure V will attest to that. She is my rock!
This weekend while not turning out exactly as I hoped, was overall a good one. Little drama sprinkled in for good measure of course, but that’s the usual any ways isn’t it?
But to the personal reflection part of all this… and really the reason why I am upset with myself, is I disappointed someone…and to me, that’s the worst crime of them all. We all know I get defensive when I am hurt. (Defensive when I am challenged as a mother too…but that’s a whole other discussion). My feelings got hurt, and internally I was telling myself NOT to be upset, not to take it personally, and NOT to create any kind of scene, but outwardly I showed my feelings and made someone else feel just as shitty as I was feeling. I am upset with myself for this. I am bigger than that. But I am also beginning to believe the ‘red-head’ comments because I sure got fiery!
I’d like to say it’s all smoothed over, but I did say some things I wish I could take back. I can’t obviously and that makes me sad.
Why do I do this? Why do I let silly things (that don’t feel silly at the time) get me so riled up and temperamental? I internalize A LOT (again V can attest to that)…and maybe when I do lose my cool it’s because there is no more room left in there to handle anything more. I let my emotions get the better of me and end up hurting someone else in the process. I need to learn to react properly to EACH situation rather than bottling and snapping when I shouldn't.
Side note: I got in a fight with my new pants. I am considering ripping some holes in the knees ;)
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