Big Sigh

Well as you can see from my last post... things haven't been easy breezy lately. I find it funny now to hear people say "wow, how does he do it", or "I can't imagine going through what she is going through", because really... YOU JUST DO IT. Nothing is ever simple.

No rhyme or reason. No 'plan of attack' or regulated way to handle these things. You just get up in the morning like everyone else, put your pants on one leg at a time, and face your day because there really isn't anything else you CAN do.

I will admit though, I am emotionally exhausted. Actually, physically too...but that's just from the lack of sleep. Emotionally speaking though, I don't have much left in me. For someone as emotionally fast forward as I am, the last 6 months have taken quite a toll and the thought of a complete meltdown (ALONE!) was becoming more and more plausible.

You know the kind. Just a few moments alone, tears, the works... letting it all out until you can't cry anymore. Then getting up, washing your face, and heading off to do the dishes...

Cause well, they need to be done.

I haven't had that yet. Maybe it's coming, maybe it isn't. I guess I wont know until (or if) it DOES.

But today... it isn't coming today. And I doubt it's coming tomorrow.

Because today is a good day. And tomorrow will be too. Because things are looking up. Call it self-reflection, or maturity (who am I kidding lol), or even just a strong will to say FUCK it all, but I get up every morning like everyone else and put my pants on one leg at a time... um, ok, my skirt on both legs at a time... and I eat and breath, and walk and talk...

And you get the fucking idea lol.

Self-pity is probably the most unattractive trait any one person can have, and I will NOT fall into the pit (as easy as it is sometimes) because I truly have nothing to pity myself over anyways. Sure, life hasn't been a lemon cloud cake lately, but c'mon... life isn't always a lemon cloud cake for ANYONE... why am I so damn special?

Well, shit...I'm special, and not the yellow bus special, but my metaphors aren't really coming together for me today...so shut the fuck up.

and would someone please bring me my sexy pants already... GEESH. It's causing some serious angst.

Happy Tuesday.
SIGH.