Monday's Shank - I'll smoke if want to

Monday’s are a grumpy one for me – usually because I am so tired form the weekend, but sometimes because someone or something has pissed me off. This is why I decided to create the Monday Shank. It seemed like a fantastic way to get the grumpies out of my system early, while at the same time calling someone or something out for being totally douchey.

Well this Monday is no exception.

Saturday I had the lovely honor of taking the kids out to the ball park for my 9 year old's year end ‘Jamboree’. Watching softball at this age is painful enough, but I was unfortunate enough to also be hung-over. I did my due diligence and drank copious amounts of water, but nothing was taking me out of my bad mood. At one point, while all the kids were chowing down on their hot dog lunch, I walked out into the middle of the gravel field to have a cigarette away from the kids.

Ok, judge if you will, but I smoke.

Over to my right about 40 or so feet away I noticed a woman sitting in a sport chair glaring at me. I was NO WHERE near her air space, but I took the opportunity to scoot over a few more feet JUST IN CASE.

After a few minutes I heard her say “Excuse me, but could you go smoke someplace else. My husband has a lung condition”. (Keep in mind, there was no way they could remotely smell the cigarette. They were so far away I almost didn’t even hear her ask me). I nodded and turned to walk even further away when behind me she CLEARLY says “Sooooo disgusting.”

I am NOT a confrontational person. I avoid it like the plague. But to be called disgusting was certainly my breaking point.

I turned back and said quite loudly (so she could hear me, cause you know, she was THAT FAR AWAY FROM ME) “Excuse me? Did you just call me disgusting?”

Miss fucking bitch-pants mouths at me “Fuck Off”.

Don’t ask me what stopped me from running over there and shanking her on the spot (but I’d like to think it’s because both my children were there and I’m a super awesome mature mother and rather than the fact I am a giant pussy), but I looked at her in utter disbelief and walked away.

So today, in order to feel better about not shanking her, I have dedicated my Monday Shank to HER – Miss fucking bitch-pants. You looked fantastic in your Mommy jeans by the way.