Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Cheeky Monkey

Actually, that title means nothing. It just came to me and I liked how it sounded. Plus, I really have no clue what I am going to write about until I am halfway through the first paragraph anyways. I mean seriously...who actually PLANS what they are going to write? pffftt. I laugh at you.

What does rain make you feel? Think about it for a second. And make it a long second...go make a sandwich, fill up your water glass, take a bathroom break... (but come back!)...

Have you ever noticed that on a rainy day, even the most cheerful of persons is *slightly* (I use that word lightly) LESS cheerful than normal? That man in traffic who would normally smile and wave you in to merge slams on the gas to block you? Or that coffee clerk who greets you every morning before she hands you your latte shoves the mug at you causing scalding milk to burn your wrist?

And that bitch in your office whom is NEVER cheerful is even more bitchy?

It's true, rain is depressing, *SHOCKING I know* (please note my sarcasm, or you're just stupid) and I am going to lose my mind if it doesn't hightail it out of here soon.

Because that office bitch is driving me absolutely BANANAS.

In all seriousness, she really isn't a bad person. In fact, she can be quite sweet. And it is those days I look forward to. We have lunch together, we gossip together about the office psycho (who you may remember in past episodes "that crazy psycho bitch" and "Social Services comes a knockin' "), we laugh because she can be hilarious, we even talk about her home renovations (Sadly Ikea is NOT the way to go, just an FYI) She has absolutely no clue that she IS a bitch. She cannot seem to get why people don't like her. She will sit there looking perplexed and ask me what she has done to have this label. And I can't tell her. Mostly, lets be honest, because I am a chicken shit, but also because it's not my place to speak for everyone else (I am sticking with that one!) *I should also mention here that it really has nothing to do with the rain, I am just using it as an excuse because it's making ME grumpy*. Unfortunately, she has the job title of 'Office Controller' which in office-speak means Office Bitch Who Does Everything Without Any Recognition. Or as I like to call it : SUCKER. I think this in itself is every reason to be a bitch, just to the right people. Don't alienate the masses, we are your backbone.

Our Company has gone through a buy out recently. While this is actually good news, it is not good news for the Controller Aka: SUCKER. Her job has become increasingly demanding, stressful, and time consuming. And to add insult to injury, the people she needs to report to (and are creating all this stress) are less than helpful, are extremely persistant with their demands, and not so polite when they don't get their way. This is not a good recipe for a calm work environment (oh and look, another food reference. Is it lunch yet?).

The morale of this story is as follows:

1. Rain has nothing to do with being in a bad mood, but it DOES make a good excuse
3. The office bitch will NEVER change
4. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT make eye contact with Office Bitch on those 'bad' days
5. Keep the masses happy, they support you
6. I have no clue what I am talking about, but I am glad your reading anyways

You know, I do write a lot of mindless drivel. I'm making note of that.

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