My Thoughts on turning 30...err... 29 + 1

Years ago I used to giggle at those women that couldn't accept they were venturing out of their twenties. Immaturity, sure...I WAS just a teenager dying to be older, wiser, sexier, etc... but also because I thought 30 was pretty cool and I envied those women with careers, families, and an exciting social life.

I probably watched WAY too many movies!

But now that I can almost spit and hit my 30th birthday, I have come to understand the nonacceptance of that number. I GET IT. Maybe I can't explain it, but I get it.

I am scared shitless.

It's not like an unbearable fear really, just the realization that I am no longer 'young' and really, what's left to look forward to? Cause I am FOR SURE not celebrating my 40th. Fuck that. I might as well be dead. (I am so sorry if I have insulted anyone in their 40's. I just cant even fathom that right now!) It may sound ridiculous, but I can't even imagine having to SAY I am in my 30's when asked. God, even typing that gives me a stomach ache!


There were many things I wanted to do before I turned 30; places to have been, adventures to have lived through... most I have not achieved, and plenty I wont tell you about because it's just too embarrassing really, but the bottom line is I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at this time in my life. It's depressing.

• To be married with 2 1/2 children (lol) 1 dog, a perfect house, and a perfect career.

1. I am not married (divorced)
2. I have one child (love of my life)
3. 2 dogs (so I doubled that one!)
4. a house I can't keep clean
5. a career I love (I win on that one)

• To have travelled across the globe and visited impoverished countries to lend a helping hand.

1. Not even remotely close to this one. Fuck, who has the time?! I envy those selfless people that can devote so much time to helping others, and yet successfully managing their own lives *sigh*
2. I travelled to New York and Boston to play soccer. Yipppeeeee. Didn't help a single soul.
3. Mexico only counts if you believe supporting the street vendors was 'helping'. I am leaning towards selfishness on my behalf to get the best price. I am such a disappointment.

• To have made some kind of notoriety for doing something remarkable.

1. I made the sports section of a newspaper. Just my name. No picture
2. A few online spats with family and strangers. Not really notorious lol. But hey, it was a public forum. Half point?
   

• To be fucking skinny. (and not anorexic thin, but back to that body I had before child.

1. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
2. Not even remotely close on that one
3. Last ditch effort NOW, and already down 10 lbs in 2 1/2 weeks. There is hope!

• TO BE HAPPY!

1. I am getting there :-) 2009 hasn't been an easy year, as many of you know! The tough times are over... and I think that 2010 will be an exciting year (at least I am holding on to that optimism!)

And the rest folks shall remain unsaid... because really, I feel no need to depress myself even further by going over all the other things (silly and/or important) I had hoped to of accomplished by the time I was 30. I mean, technically I still have my whole 30th year to do it right? Sort of like a technicality?!?!

At least I am convinced. I don't fucking care if you are. It's my depressing birthday.

Happy Humpday.