I'm kinda poopy today. And was definitely poopy yesterday. But it will get better. My feelings were just hurt. A LOT.

I like to think I am a pretty cool person. I get a long with most everyone usually, and for those close to me, I would do absolutely anything for them. It's just how I roll. So I guess it sort of makes sense that I can be so easily blindsided with the knowledge that I might not be someones favorite person.

I remember this one time, a 'friend' of mine (in the midst of a really strange argument that even to this day I still don't understand) called me a lesbian. I guess I don't really need to say we aren't friends anymore, but there's ton more to that story I wont get into right now. But the basis of where she was going with that was that I act like a lesbian when dealing with my 'girlfriends'. I laughed her off, considered her a complete moron for being so heartless with HER friendships, and went about my day...

But, it now has me thinking.

I care A LOT about people...especially those close to me who I trust and value. I have been accused of being TOO accommodating sometimes actually, and that perhaps those less trust worthy whom I don't realize are, take advantage of that. Those that are incredibly important to me, know this, love me for it, and return that friendship equally and deservingly (spellcheck says that's not a word, fuck it) It's how I view friendships really. And well, I know no different.

I tell my girlfriends I love them. What's so wrong with that? I let them know when I am feeling overwhelmed, or need help, or just need to vent and a shoulder to cry on. But I then return that to them. ALWAYS. No one would ever accuse me of not being a supportive friend with a good ear and soft shoulder. To me, it's harder to NOT be there for them than it is to be there.

It's a given.

But back to this 'friend' and lesbian comment... she felt that shutting me out of her life, and coming to me only when she needed help with something was OK, and that I was a complete lesbian because I told her that I loved and cared about her and it hurt to be treated so badly in return. I felt used. I let her know.

Now, she was an extreme... I understand that she was in no way right with her thinking when it came to friendships... BUT, what has me thinking is maybe I too am extreme just in the opposite direction, hence the ease in which I can be blindsided.

I'm a little cryptic and all over the map again aren't I?

I guess with all this rambling I am just trying to sort out my feelings. I was pretty crushed yesterday, and I wont lie, I cried. Perhaps I take things too personally... but the bottom line is I would never treat anyone the way I was treated, so it is hard for me to understand why it happened to me.

Like I said earlier in the post, it will get better. I always seem to recover from shit like this pretty well. The painful part of it is already starting to go away...but that's mostly because I wrote it all out here, eve if the majority of you don't have a clue what the hell I am talking about.

I'm good at that.