Max is in daycare today, so I have he day to myself, but until 20 minutes ago, it wasn't the case. I woke up at 7:30, still exhausted from last night. I couldn't sleep. I went to bed at 11:30 after watching the golden girls - it was the one where Sophia's library card expired and she also never remembered to return her books. The storyline was based on my friend Heidi who never returned her books to the library (in her 20's!), her step dad produced the golden girls, so it was a nice flashback.
I went to the temp agency today to meet with the recruiter, I got there 10 minutes early - and filled out paperwork, took some tests on paper, then I had to take an excel, word and typing test. Its amazing because I have been using word and excel for literally 15+ years, and I managed to miserably fail the excel test, do OK on the word test and fail the typing test. I have no idea how I did on the spelling, grammar or other tests. Then finally an hour later, I met with the recruiter who said, your way too senior, you should not have taken admin tests. UG. My esteem? in the toilet.
I wore my black bijoux chain chanel 2.55 bag, black heels, a 3/4 sleeve black cardigan and the large collared floral brocade topped dress from spring 07. Chic+ put together. Of course for perm or temp marketing jobs, they have nothing at the moment. It was almost a waste of their time to meet me. and I hadn't had coffee. Its sort of disheartening to try to "sell yourself" to people. I was so good at it in NYC but here, its like I don't even have the energy.
After the interview, I rushed home, changed into the 07 Petulia and some black flats, grabbed a tote bag and walked back downtown to the farmers market where I got some raspberries, blueberries, tomatoes, cucumbers and cherries. I then walked back home dropped it all off and picked up two books (one I was almost finished read and another I had finished reading) and went to sushi for lunch. I then walked BACK down by the farmers market to the tailor to pick up a dalmatia top with a zipper issue (fixed) and back home. I stopped at Powell's to sell the two books and get a new book on the way.
Now, I am running out the door to mail a package, drink some coffee and read my new book. I should be relaxed but I am not. I am just feeling a bit blue, a bit down in the dumps. I don't know why. Its like one bad day with Max spirals out of control, messes up my head. All I see is gray on a pretty sunny day. I have to admit failing the temp tests didn't help boost my confidence. Neither did getting an email from a friend who was showing off heir art knowledge to me and trying to make me feel inferior.
Just because I am not an art hype beast doesn't mean I cant love art, looking at art, help raise money for the arts. The email just really in a way kicked me while I am down (not that they know that). Its funny, I went to school for art. I never tell people this, most of the time they don't ask. Art used to be my escape, wandering around the Baltimore Museum of Art was my favorite thing to do. Sit in the sculpture garden. I was a shitty artist, a better photographer. My problem is that I can see what I want visually but I can't execute. I should write said friend back, but I think anything that comes out of my keyboard would just be filled with venom and I would come across as a bitch. I am off, to drink a latte (maybe out of a glass instead of a plastic cup) and try to escape for just a little while.
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