There isn't one.
You think I am kidding don't you? Well... stop wasting your money on all those how-to books, Dr. so-and-so's fail-proof method for a sleeping baby, Lullaby bullshit guides... because they DO NOT WORK.
Sure, if you are a stay-at-home Mom with a supportive partner at home who has the patience and to follow the guides to a "T", they have the potential of working, but if you are like me (patience-less, a husband who snores and can't seem to function at 3am feedings), then using one of these guides is pretty much a waste of time and energy, and really...only serve to frustrate you even more.
My 5 month old has decided that sleep is overrated. He thinks that it's now his special time with Mommy and if he doesn't scream his face off I will somehow disappear, never to return again. The sound of him crying actually feels like bombs exploding in my head and if they don't stop, I will burst into a ball of flame.
Ahhh those days of him sleeping 8, 9 hours seems so long ago... but really, he's only 5 months old for christs sake! When he goes down to sleep, it's now only for 2 hours (I am being generous) and then he is up, sometimes for an hour to two, and putting him back down is a feat that is deserving of a medal every time it is done because it takes such skill I sometimes wonder how I can actually do it.
It's an art, I swear. And one that challenges every ounce of patience and grace I have. You see, if you so much as breathe a little to loudly, he feels it. If you lay him down with slightly more than just a teeeeny ounce of pressure, he senses it. If you creep out of the room and step on that one spot in the floor that makes a every-so-slightly creaking noise, he busts you. And the worst? If that damn stupid $%^&*^& Tu-Ti (binky, sucky, soother, whatever the hell you call it) falls out of his mouth and he can't feel it, your life is over. Whose bright idea was it to get him hooked on that?!?!
Oh yeah, mine.
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