My Open Letter to Ryan Gosling After Watching Crazy Stupid Love

I think it just got a little warm in here

 

Dear Ryan,

I can call you that, right? Not Mr. Gosling? That just sounds too professional and not personal enough for our relationship. I suppose that the term ‘relationship’ can be relative, since you don’t know me and all, but just for arguments sake let’s just agree that we have a relationship of sorts and I can call you Ryan.

Ok, now that’s out of the way.

I just recently watched your movie “Crazy Stupid Love” and I have some opinions I would like to share with you. You know, because we have that kind of relationship. I actually loved the movie, so please don’t be worried that I have anything negative to say because I am sure that you were worried before I mentioned that. Because again, we have that kind of relationship that my opinion really matters. Do I say the word because a lot? Just wondering.

Before this movie you were pretty much the sexiest man alive. I mean, People magazine came close with Bradley Cooper, I don’t want to take anything away from him, but in all fairness he doesn’t hold a candle to you and your hotness. But remember when I said “before this movie you were pretty much the sexiest man alive”? It’s sort of been tough for me to call you that because of the character you portrayed in the movie. Sure, you’re hot, I can’t deny that or refute it…it’s just that for a few simple, small things that I noticed, I have to kindly ask you to never do them again.

This is a tough one for me. BUT IT’S YOUR GODDAMN SHOES.

These aren't the actual shoes (probably) but closely resembling, and I clearly notice foot wear

 Seriously, Ryan. These are atrocious. And not sexy at all. When I see shoes such as these, I think pretentious asshole who has so much money that they don’t give a rats ass what’s on their feet because no one cares as long as he’s wearing shoes. In fact, I would go as far as to say they make any man look like a leprechaun and we all know leprechauns have some serious fashion issues. I mean, GREEN VELVET COATS? C’mon.

So, in closing I would just like to once again express to you that our relationship is important to me us, so the fact that I am able to tell you this should show you how close we can be are. It may be a touch presumptuous of me to assume that you will in fact stop wearing shoes like this because of my letter and our relationship, but I think that if you can’t tell those close to you what you dislike about them, who can you tell?

XoXo

Carmen

PS: Burn the damn shoes