I can be reaaaaalllly reallllly dumb. But in my defense, I was hungover

Saturday was a pretty shitty day. And I thought it would be nice to explain it all in pictures. Just cause I can, but mostly so I don't have to type it all out. I'm lazy like that. Or Embarassed. Whichever.

First, I woke up to a dead truck battery. My fault, but mostly my GPS's fault. Because the damn bitch didn't shut herself off. Douche.

Here I am pouting in the cold while I determine how to put on the jumper cables. 

After reading the directions thoroughly and extensively (same thing. Whatever) my friend Stephanie and I decide that we really don't have a fucking clue what to do. The directions don't just say negative to negative, positive to positive. That would be too easy, right? They have to throw words in there like "ground' and 'dead' and 'live'. Also? They don't explain that the battery doesn't actually SAY battery. No sireeeeee. Apparently you're just supposed to KNOW where that is.

Guess what? Not easy. 

This is my engine. WTF? Two boxes with a red and black 'nub'. Is it called a 'nub'? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS.

After numerous failed attempts and some serious sparking going on, we decided that it best be left up to the experts. So we called a tow truck to come save my stupid ass.

After 45 minutes we decided that FUCK THIS SHIT, we aren't some stupid GIRLS, we can do it! So we went outside and attempted One. More. Time.

And you know what we discovered?

We were putting the jumper cables on the FUSE BOX and not the battery. So, in reality, this is what I did to my beautiful SUV:

No literally, it drove. But with non-working windows CD player, seat warmers, etc

This is why GPS's should not misbehave the night-of and the morning-after copious amounts of red wine are being drunk. Also? Woman should be designing vehicles. SO THE BATTERY CAN BE CLEARLY LABELLED!

I take no responsibility whatsoever.

And neither does Stephanie.