Chinese torture anyone? Anyone? Probably a lot better than this... Most Likely

I think that one of the most painful types of torture has got to be sitting through a children’s music program. In fact, someone should tell the government about this, as it could quite possibly be used successfully as some form of capital punishment. Or even as a means of extracting dangerous information out of terrorists, spies, and the like. Because I can tell you right now, Chinese nail torture seems so much more humane that what I had to endure last night.

Sure, they are children. I should probably give them a break. BUT, stabbing my ear drums with pencils so I didn’t have to hear the absolute horror that I was hearing crossed my mind several times that I could be seen frantically searching in my purse for SOMETHING to drown out the noise. I know, these are other people’s children; smiling, boasting, so proud of themselves, and yet the insane amount of ear-piercing atrocities coming out of their mouths and instruments was astounding.

And you all know my daughter was the star right? She was awesome.

OK, I won’t lie. Her choir was just as awful, if not worse. The teacher-helpers on the guitar and piano were actually the worst of them all, BUT, she is my kid so it was pure melodious. Thankfully we were saved periodically by a jazz band or a drum line, but overall I felt like Super Mom for sitting there the whole time without taking breaks in the hall outside the theater. Not going to lie, I was definitely not the only parent in the building wishing they had some sort of life-changing injury so they had an excuse not to be there. These are supposed to be the talented children from the local elementary and middle schools, and if that squeaking clarinet from the junior band didn’t stop, well, squeaking, I was going to have to go up there and beat her with it. Seriously. SQUEAKING. The whole performance. And it was two songs. Longest 5 minutes of my life and I gave birth to two children.

I might sound mean, but I am an overachiever. And I rocked the clarinet in 7^th grade. Cause I was cool like that.

(Disclaimer: I am only slightly exaggerating. The Senior Choir was good)