Tampons and the Olive Garden. This is going to make for some WEIRD search results 'yo

Over the years Sadie has provided me with some really great stories to tell. She never fails to amuse me or others around me, and I have some excellent material for her future wedding. Last night while visiting with my SIL, we started talking about some of those funny stories and she mentioned one I had completely forgotten about…and really cannot wait to share…so here it goes…

One night, when Sadie was about 18 months old, my boyfriend-at-the-time made plans to go out for dinner with my brother and his girlfriend (now wife). We live in Canada, there is like ONE OLIVE GARDEN so naturally we chose this place cause it’s quite possibly the best restaurant in the whole wide world and who made the stupid decision to put ONLY ONE IN CANADA*?

*disclaimer: Only one that I am aware of and within driving distance. If you know of more, keep it to yourself.

Side note: Have you eaten the Tuscan Garlic Chicken? TO.DIE.FOR.

I talk. A lot. Those that know me well will not argue with that statement. In fact, those that only know me even a little bit would agree. Truthfully, strangers on the street would probably nod their heads too. What can I say? I have things that need to be said. I usually command an audience, and this dinner was no exception.

While I was jabbering away about something that was clearly important and enthralling to my dinner companions, my dear, sweet 18 month old daughter was entertaining herself in my purse. Usually, this is nothing to be alarmed about. She’s happy, I’m talking, win/win.

On this occasion, I just happen to have tampons stored in a side pocket. A girl can never be too prepared I say. I must have a genius child though, because Sadie taught herself how to work a zipper in like 3 seconds flat, because without me realizing it, that pocket was open and one of those tampons was a brand new exciting toy. Who knew a paper wrapper with a cardboard applicator could be so interesting. I sure didn’t at 12 when I had to start using them. Fuck you Mother Nature.

Out of the corner of my eye I spot my cute little darlin’ peering over the booth behind us and spying on the nice people sitting there enjoying their dinner. Maybe they were eating something that looked delicious to a toddler, who knows, but I quietly turned her around and continued telling my enthralling story. I never noticed the tampon clenched firmly in her fist. She of course went right back to peering over the booth…

AND THAT’S WHEN IT HAPPENED

I think it probably only took a split second, but my darling little cute-as-can-be 18 month old daughter stood on her feet, leaned over the booth, and shoved that tampon right into the ear of the largest, meanest looking black man I had ever seen. 

This is clearly not a picture of the incident as this cute baby is NOT in a restaurant, but this is an actor's portrayal of my daughter's delight while playing with a tampon. This is an unpaid portrayal.

And guess what? He wasn’t mean. He thought it was the funniest thing EVER. I am sure he’s telling this story 8 years later too.