I am at a crossroads right now. And I hate it.
My Story is a rough one, but when you hear or read about other people’s trials and tribulations, everything just seems so trivial and meaningless, and somewhat selfish in comparison. Sure, dealing with a husband having seizures and subsequently having a brain tumor removed, and suffering through a sick child being hospitalized and even still, having to endure physical therapy with him can be mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing…
BUT
Every body is OK. We get up each morning and put our pants on one leg at a time. We breathe fresh air and drink cold water. My husband and I have jobs that support our lifestyle, and our children are happy, (finally) healthy, and there is love; gigantic, immeasurable love in our lives.
And you know what?
Sometimes it just isn’t enough.
Right now I am sitting here at my keyboard feeling like all my life decisions could or should have been different, but changing them is so terrifying that I can’t even fathom what they could even be.
It’s tough to really convey what I am trying to say right now without really diving into the story, but as much as my life is an open book here on my blog, there are just some things I choose to keep private. Not for my sake, because I am a firm believer that one must always be held accountable for their actions, to themselves and by others, but more-so for the sake of my loved ones because their respect and trust mean everything to me.
My journey has been riddled with ups, downs, and in bet-weens, but everything that has happened has been the result of decisions I HAVE made, not someone else. I understand that. So what does it take for me to make changes? What does it take for me to stand up and truly react based on my own convictions?
These are questions I have to ask myself. I still don’t have answers.
And I hate that.
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