I am pretty sure the local police officers think I am nuts and if they don't, they should

I had a pretty eventful lunch hour today and thought it best I blog about it before I completely forgot. Plus, I think it’s always nice to share with my readers when I do really fucking embarrassing things. Makes me real, no? Or dumb. Whichever.

I decided today to go to Safeway to buy a sandwich. Surprisingly they’re quite delicious. If you haven’t tried one yet, I encourage you to do so. My personal favorite is the Bistro Club. Just if the lady there suggests toasting your tomatoes, say no. She was/is quite pushy and pretty adamant that you should be toasting your tomatoes. In fact, she looked at me very sternly and said “I have converted about 90% of my customers to toasted tomatoes, so clearly you are weird”. OK, so she didn’t say the weird part, but I felt it in her gaze. Menacing I tell you.

Anyways

While driving back to the office I took a different route back because I like to mix things up. Keeping it fresh, right? First mistake. I can see cop cars all the which way, and eventually, smoke. Lights are flashing, people are standing on the sidewalks (actually, someone even had a crib out at the bus stop with an actual kid in it. That’s weird, right? I thought so.) and there is just a general sense of pandemonium. I was clearly in a bad spot.

So naturally I panic right along with these strangers and pull over. I am pretty sure this is my daughter’s elementary school at this point and I was going to run into the building pushing and shoving my way to save her life. Naturally, right? LIKE NO BIG DEAL. No lie, I was breathing hard before I even got out of my vehicle.

So I approach (read: almost ran straight into) this really mean looking police office and managed to sputter out “Is the Elementary School on fire?” or something closely resembling. He looked confused but said that no, it was in fact a vacant house.

Relieved, I held my hand to my chest and said “Thank you! My daughter goes to that school!” He looked at me funny again, but I turned away and headed back to my truck. Cops are weird. I wasn’t concerned that he was looking at me that way. I mean, everything I just did was completely natural. COMPLETELY. NATURAL. For a crazy person.

So as I begin to maneuver around the crowds of pedestrians, I hit the next block. And stranding right in front of me is my daughter’s Elementary School. Yes folks, I wasn’t even close.

But it get’s better.

SCHOOL IS OUT FOR THE SUMMER.

I think the funniest part of the story for me though is this: it took a friend of mine who I told this story to, to tell me that my daughter was in fact at daycare with her brother, and not at school.

I know exactly what you are thinking. I’m awesome. Clearly.