Remembering

I was thinking the other day about all the crap that happened this summer and how is that we manage to survive it all with very little scars. (Tell that to E's forhead I guess)...

And then it led to more reflection, wool-gathering, pondering, you get the point. It appears I have a lot time to have these random thoughts I guess... but really, I recommend it for everyone. I could be all cheesy and generic and say it makes your stronger blah blah blah, but in all honestly, I think it just helps you gain a little bit more perspective in YOURSELF. Perhaps a slightly better understanding of who you are, and why you do the things that you do.

Not that I can explain all MY decisions... but c'mon, you get what I am trying to say here.

And I did it all... not just all the bad shit that happened with E, or the drama of us breaking up and getting back together... but ALL of it and it almost made me laugh out loud about all the stupid naive things I did. You could say I was looking for something...not sure what mind you, but looking for something nonetheless... something that would either make me feel better about myself, or make me escape all the shit that I thought I couldn't handle. But I DID handle in the end didn't I? Because whatever I did find, didn't help with anything... only added more to the heaping pile of shit to deal with.

Explains bad behaviour in a nutshell really.

I thought I was going after something I wanted... when all it really did for me was make things worse. And for way too long of a time too...

There were some days I wondered how I would ever get through some it. Would I ever get over the shit that people pulled? Or that I brought on myself?

Now, it all seems so small in the grand scheme of things. Almost silly to even contemplate now, if not then. Makes you wonder actually...

What IS maturity?

Cause none of us ever seems to grow up.