I am getting fat. And I don’t want to hear anything different, so stop yourself from clicking your mouse on “Add a Comment” if you’re planning on typing anything remotely close to ‘No, you’re not’.
I sort of saw it coming…slowly. But it has been the last 6 months that it really became apparent to me that I needed to watch what I was eating. But knowledge is power, only if you LISTEN to it. I refused to.
I have always yo-yoed with my weight since I was a kid, and while dieting sucks, I can’t really remember a time that I didn’t have some kind of fad diet on the go. (If you call steak, potatoes, corn-on-the-cob, and booze a fad diet, but I digress….) I was pretty much at my heaviest when I was pregnant, and not because I had a baby in my stomach but because I ate. A LOT. Too much, and too often. Really, eating for two doesn’t necessarily mean eat as MUCH as two full grown adults can in every sitting. Every night I would go see my friend who waitressed at this local whole in the wall restaurant and order a strawberry shortcake. I would eat it, along with everyone else’s when they couldn’t finish. (Chocolate brownie cake, banana split, anything on the dessert menu) My reasoning was ‘one can’t hurt’…. Well one or more a day can. And by the time my precious bundle of joy came along, I was closer to 250lbs than I was 200. The exact number shall remain undisclosed :-). I may have lost a bunch of weight in the delivery room, but I was nowhere near ‘average’ for quite some time after.
It took about 8 months for me to finally realize that you can’t use the ‘I just had a baby’ excuse forever. I could visualize myself at my child’s graduation explaining to whoever was unlucky to sit beside my fat-ass ‘Oh, I’ve had children recently. I plan on losing the baby weight’. I went on the ‘starve yourself while drinking slim fast’ diet, and while successful in such a short time (26lbs in a month and a half) the results weren’t lasting. I didn’t gain ALL of the weight back right away, but slowly over the following year, I gained about 15 lbs back. I then decided to join a few ladies at work on Jenny Craig. I invested my $20, and picked out my menu ($120.00) for the week, and decided that if I didn’t lose anything the first week, I would string myself up and save the world from another obese whiner. Shockingly, I lost 7 lbs my first week. I can’t even explain the accomplished feeling I had when I stepped on the scale. Nothing short of exhilarating though! I continued on the diet for about 2 months… 2 long broke months…. And lost about 25 lbs. I was at my lightest weight since high school! I bought clothes in size Medium, I was wearing a size pants I had only dreamed of fitting, I was proudly showing off my new body and feeling much more confident! I went off jenny thinking that I was ready to go maintain on my own. I guess you could say I have a love/hate relationship with food, because I love to eat, but I hate myself afterwards. I don’t suffer with a sweet tooth, but I crave those home-style meals laden with 1500 calories a plate.
It’s been two years, two happy FULL years, but I am now almost back up to the post-pregnancy weight. I can’t fit into any of the dress pants I wore last year, I feel a double chin coming on, I am no longer able to hide my ‘boob fat’ in a tank top, and I can’t wear shorts for fear that someone will notice that my thighs rub together… sometimes *snicker*. (I can’t accept it yet…!)
I don’t feel pretty anymore. I don’t feel confident. I don’t feel attractive. So why can’t I get off my fat ass except to go get one of those Timmy’s donuts someone was kind of enough to bring in to the office this morning?
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