I am Divorced

Has a nice ring to it, no? I must say, that after 8 years of marriage (6 of which we never saw each other) Today is the happiest day in ALL OF IT *snicker*. I used to say that my marriage lasted because we never saw each other, not to be funny (well, maybe a little) but more to hide my frustration that I had no control over the situation. I really didn’t… that’s what happens when you marry an American and want to divorce: They get to decide how, why and when.

So here is some background…

Back in, oh I’d say early 2003 I googled my ex-husbands name (I LOVE saying ex-husband now and actually KNOWING its true!!!) to see if I could find him and get the divorce going. Most people would give up on page 3 or 4 of the results page, but I trekked on. I think it must have been the 13th or 14th page before I stumbled on a personal website of him and his girlfriend. (The girl that he started dating 6 months after I left). I was happy for them, and I mean why wouldn’t I be? He wasn’t, isn’t a bad person… just not the one for me. And besides, I wasn’t the perfect wife. He deserved a woman who would treat him as he should be treated, with respect. So I tried contacting him through the email address on the site, and I can’t recall exactly WHEN he replied, or even what was said…. But the conclusion was that he was filing for divorce and would have the papers sent to me. They did arrive, signed and notarized by him. I couldn’t help feeling slightly nostalgic seeing his handwriting, but I went and got my portion signed and notarized as well. This is where the one and only funny part comes in. Before couriering them off, I bought a new car. WITH the divorce papers securely tucked away under the passenger seat of the trade-in. I went back to the dealership when I noticed my mistake, but unfortunately my trade-in had already been destroyed. I notified him right away and was assured that he could re-file with the same online service he used before.

And then a few more years go by. No more email responses, no more personal website with is girlfriend, and no more search results on google.

Then, on another whim, in mid-2006 I googled again. This is where I found a myspace page. Not one, but three. One for him, one for his girlfriend, and one of them together. Still, at this point, I am happy for them….and think it’s great that they have stayed together over the years. Just out of curiosity though, I started browsing their group site. Under the comments section I started seeing well wishes for their upcoming wedding in July (2006). I really and truly feel out of my chair in shock. To my knowledge we were not divorced, so how could a man legally married to me, marry someone else? I sent approximately 25 + emails to him, his wife, AND group myspace account with no responses. I threatened, I pleaded, and I even swore that I would hire a private investigator, but still my requests went unanswered.

Then in January of this year I received and email from a ‘new’ email account I didn’t know existed, stating that his myspace account had been hacked into, and none of his responses to me went through. He said that he filed for some kind of abandonment divorce (cannot recall the EXACT terminology) and that the procedure was expensive and lengthy, but that it had been completed. I obviously questioned it, knowing that he had my contact information all along, and I was fully capable of participating in the divorce decree. He stated that he had hired a private investigator to find me, who was unsuccessful, and that he had to take out an Ad in the local paper for two weeks (an Ad stating that he was searching for me) to finalize the divorce without my knowledge. I took this information to a Family Lawyer here in BC who told me that while possible, it would have had to of been filed illegally by my ex. He said I had two options: Challenge the divorce on grounds that it was done fraudulently, thus annulling his new marriage, or accept it, request copies for peace of mind, and move on. I chose the latter.

When I requested a copy of the divorce papers he emailed me PDF of ONE PAGE that just had the stipulations of the divorce, the reason for this will become clear later on in this post. I needed the cover page of the divorce documents in order to obtain the Case #, Court it was filed in, and the Judge granting the divorce to put my mind at ease that he wasn’t ‘faking’ the divorce. He refused to send this to me. Well, I don’t even really mean REFUSED, he never actually replied to my emails and never sent me anything.

Now, 6 months later, after many many many emails by myself with intermittent responses from him promising to courier them over to me (even going as far to request my address so I would have to sign for them) I finally learned the courthouse that the divorce was filed at.

Today, I called them. And today I learned some interesting information. Yes, I am divorced, and yes it occurred on January 19, 2007 at 1:30 pm…. But make note of this: This date is a FULL SIX MONTHS after his marriage to his new wife. (This is why he sent only ONE page of the divorce settlement, and why he has procrastinated on sending me copies) He did not want me knowing the date…because that would be admitting that his new marriage is actually a fraud. That would be admitting that his marriage is in fact, not legal.

But I don’t want to rain on this parade… because really? What do I care that his life is fucked? One day, she will find out, and one day, he will lose another wife…. But until and after then…

I AM FUCKING DONE!!!!!!

Sweet action