An open letter to the pizza lady who thinks she is funny

Dear Pizza lady,

I wanted to express my gratitude to you for driving to my new house and providing us exhausted, and yet good spirited individuals, several large pizzas for our enjoyment. While you did take an extra 15 minutes than the quoted time, the pizza was hot, fresh and delicious. And despite the bill being ridiculous for 5 large pizzas and a jar of dipping sauce, I was still happy to receive you into my carport.

But this is kinda where it gets sticky for me.

Sure, I was holding a can of beer. And sure, I didn't even realize that beer was in my hand when I approached you. And even still, I didn't even understand how the heck you knew I was even drinking beer as I MOVED THE CAN INTO MY ARMPIT to punch my pin into the pinpad...

But really, smiling condescendingly while you hand me my pizza's and saying "Enjoying some daytime drinking are you", really and truly isn't an appropriate comment to mutter 3 seconds before I am to put in your tip amount.

Who cares if I was enjoying a good afternoon buzz? I think it was pretty clear we were just moving in dumbass.

You're a lucky bitch my finger slipped and you got your 10%.

That is all. Enjoy your $9.