Being famous is kinda cool.

It isn’t every day you get to be famous, an average Jane like me that is. Sure famous people are famous every day, DUH. Seriously, I am not stupid... I just mean it isn't every day us not-so-famous people get to be famous... but then again, that's how famous people become famous... 

Well fuck, I sure messed up that introduction...

Ok, so like a few weeks ago for example…I got to be famous. Not super famous, but I got to hang out with some famous people and while my picture wasn’t taken by any of the ‘paps’ as proof… my cousin took some ninja-stealth shots with her camera so I could share my experience.

Cameron Diaz and I got to share some secrets woman to woman. Here she is laughing, because I am funny. Clearly. 

Jerry Springer needed my opinion on something really important. Top secret though, you’ll have to tune into his show to find out. (Really don’t I am lying, his show sucks)

See? My opinion really matters... Jerry looks pretty impressed with what I had to say. In fact, I am probably going to be on some 'expert' panel

Angelina didn’t mind that  molested Brad. As you can see though, she wasn’t thrilled, just look at her face, but nevertheless she let me cop a feel for as long as I wanted. It was pretty long. Did I mention his abs are rock hard? No? His abs are rock hard.

Hef was pretty friendly too. We chilled out, enjoyed some champagne and discussed the economic slowdown in modern western civilization. Not really, that just sounded intelligent. We really just talked about porn. True story. He left me keep the bunny ears too. Did you notice my hand is pretty close to his 'package'? That was an accident. But Hef didn't seem to mind. We have plans to play cribbage next week. 

Sean Connery was really nice, albeit a little pompous. He had no issue with me enjoying his drink and we played peek-a-boo spouting some catch phrases from James Bond. What a hoot!

Arnold on the other hand has some serious attitude. I tried to show him who the boss was, but unfortunately he can kick my ass. We parted friends. 

Now, Tim and I are secret lovers. I just had to let the cat out of the bag (or the sexy country singer out of my pants, whichever) This picture needs to be kept on the DL though, k? I don’t need any tabloid rumors going around that I broke up Tim and Faith.When that day 'officially' happens (which he keeps telling me will, he just needs to find the right time to tell her) then this picture can be released. I am trusting y'all.

Tiger and I enjoyed a quick round too. OF GOLF YOU PERVERTS. Mind you, he DID try to get frisky but I pointed out to him as nicely as I could that all his millions have gone to that Elin chick so he really doesn’t have much appeal anymore. He didn’t take that very well. We did not part as friends. 

Julia and I however, found that we have a lot in common, one of which is posing like an idiot. We’re now BFF”s and are planning a fun play date with our kids. Phinnaeus and Hazel are cool kids. Probably. 

I also got to spend a few minutes with good 'ol George Dub. He sorta came across ‘stiff’ though. I am not really surprised. He’s kind of an ass. He did play along when I posed for this pic though. What a good sport huh? But he's still an ass, I just have to be clear on that.

Ben and I got to relax and enjoy a bottle together. He's cool shit. Except for that whole wife thing. If Tim and I don't work out, I have another marriage to destroy. Jennifer Garner WHAT?! 

So there you have it. Being famous for a day was pretty much awesome and I think you should all make a point of being one too. I know, I know, you can't all be as lucky as me...of course, I get it.