Happy Long Weekend

I'll be heading out of town in like 15 minutes and won' t be back until Monday. Keep in mind, I'm up in the Great White North, so my holiday is tomorrow, not the 4th.

My blog will be left unattended during this time, but stay tuned for a surprise guest post from my good friend Handflapper sometime next week.

Until then...

Have a safe (but drunk) weekend.

Uang Bahasa Batak

Inì laa kìzAh pTen9kaRan aNtara ùaN9 50.000 @ 10.000

50rb : BeRen9ma au.,warNaQ ba9ak.mLo baNk dhoT reZtauRAn na aR9a nun9n9a hùdalanI.,Hape ho hpen9 1000,n9a rOa,sai maniOp bolaTi mùsEn9.,ai hoLan itoilEt dö seRin9 nön9kron9..:

1000ipMa babAmì ,NA tealaNho makkAtai,asa iboToho da.moLO di gaReja aì holaN haMI do lan99aNan.
Dohot na manJaha xmx_on pe,molo hRe m99u paRsaRIbuaN dö duRun92_na..kwkwkwkwwk::)))
¤pèaCE@£øVe¤.

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I wonder if my tits are the reason for an underage relationship?

Like a gazillion years ago I was a soccer player. Pretty freaking good actually. All through my teens I played at a high level, and when I was 20 I was blessed with a scholarship to a college in the United States.

Now, it wasn’t a ‘full-ride’ or anything, and I still had to actually attend class to play, but it was something and to this day I still make sure to mention this little tidbit to anyone who remotely mentions anything regarding soccer; need to buy shin pads for your 4 year old's 1^st soccer game? Hey, did you know I was on soccer scholarship when I got pregnant with my first child? Your neighbors 14 year old kicked a soccer ball into your hard and *GASP* it ruined your flower bed? Hey, did you know that when I was 13 I tried out (and MADE) the Provincial Soccer Team?

You get my point. I’m super proud.

From 13 years to 16 years I played with some pretty talented girls. Some have gone on to play for the Canadian National Team, others for professional leagues around the world, but I chose a life of marriage and children and gave up my dream of playing soccer. I guess I could still play, but extra pounds and bunk knees prevent me from playing anything higher than a recreational level, and my stubborn attitude refuses to accept mediocre soccer without screaming my face off and well, getting my ass-kicked by a 40 yr old woman with cankles doesn’t appeal to me.

Wait, I MIGHT BE THAT 40 YR OLD WOMAN WITH CANKLE SOMEDAY.

I have some fond memories and not so fond memories (I will not re-hash those years where I was an emotional target for bitchy girls who liked to make others cry) but the other day I was reminded of one such memory that, at the time, was humiliating, but now seems almost foreshadowing. Ill explain that part later.

At 15, traveling was new to the junior soccer world. I mean, we traveled across the Province to kick the shit out of local teams because we were THAT awesome, but traveling longer distances than a few hours wasn’t something we did very often, if at all. That year, we were fortunate enough to fund-raise enough money (I WILL NEVER SELL ANOTHER TRAIL MIX BAG DOOR TO DOOR NO MATTER WHAT MY CHILDREN NEED TO RAISE MONEY FOR)  to take us to New York and Boston.

We were 36 hormonal 14 and 15 year old girls and 3 VERY male coaches. And I think there were some parent volunteers. I don’t remember them being there, but I am sure the ratio of adults to kids HAD to be better than 1:12. Especially male to female.

But I digress…

Despite being there to kick some American soccer playing ass, we also were able to enjoy some down time with tours, shopping, and the beach. On one such outing, we were taken to the famous Jones Beach. 

 You think that wave is high? Well it was. And I went swimming in it. Ok, maybe not that particular one, I stole that image off the website, but trust me…the waves that day were just as high.

Now, at 15, you wear a bikini. It’s just the way it was. And is. And always will be. When you have a body like that, you flaunt it. Especially when your Mother isn’t around to chase you with a towel to cover you up. Pretty sure I purchased that bikini in New York because my Mother wouldn’t have let me take a suit like that.

This is probably what my Mom had in mind

This is pretty similar to what I wore. And no, even at 15 my body wasn't THIS hot

 It’s probably not going to be news to you, but wearing a bikini and swimming in waves like that = not a good idea.

So, unbeknownst to me, as a huge wave crashed over me AS I WAS SWIMMING CLOSE TO MY SOCCER COACH, my top decided to go with it. And I was left standing there, pretty much naked (and not knowing it for at least 15 seconds).

My Coach was 23. And somewhat hot.

I was 15. And somewhat well-endowed.

The foreshadowing? He eventually married one of the girls on our team. In fact, some say that trip was when things ‘started’. I wonder if it had anything to do with my tits in face.

Pepatah

Kucing kurus mandi di kali pake papan, da gemuk sombong, ga mau mandi lagi....

Monday's Shank - I'll smoke if want to

Monday’s are a grumpy one for me – usually because I am so tired form the weekend, but sometimes because someone or something has pissed me off. This is why I decided to create the Monday Shank. It seemed like a fantastic way to get the grumpies out of my system early, while at the same time calling someone or something out for being totally douchey.

Well this Monday is no exception.

Saturday I had the lovely honor of taking the kids out to the ball park for my 9 year old's year end ‘Jamboree’. Watching softball at this age is painful enough, but I was unfortunate enough to also be hung-over. I did my due diligence and drank copious amounts of water, but nothing was taking me out of my bad mood. At one point, while all the kids were chowing down on their hot dog lunch, I walked out into the middle of the gravel field to have a cigarette away from the kids.

Ok, judge if you will, but I smoke.

Over to my right about 40 or so feet away I noticed a woman sitting in a sport chair glaring at me. I was NO WHERE near her air space, but I took the opportunity to scoot over a few more feet JUST IN CASE.

After a few minutes I heard her say “Excuse me, but could you go smoke someplace else. My husband has a lung condition”. (Keep in mind, there was no way they could remotely smell the cigarette. They were so far away I almost didn’t even hear her ask me). I nodded and turned to walk even further away when behind me she CLEARLY says “Sooooo disgusting.”

I am NOT a confrontational person. I avoid it like the plague. But to be called disgusting was certainly my breaking point.

I turned back and said quite loudly (so she could hear me, cause you know, she was THAT FAR AWAY FROM ME) “Excuse me? Did you just call me disgusting?”

Miss fucking bitch-pants mouths at me “Fuck Off”.

Don’t ask me what stopped me from running over there and shanking her on the spot (but I’d like to think it’s because both my children were there and I’m a super awesome mature mother and rather than the fact I am a giant pussy), but I looked at her in utter disbelief and walked away.

So today, in order to feel better about not shanking her, I have dedicated my Monday Shank to HER – Miss fucking bitch-pants. You looked fantastic in your Mommy jeans by the way. 

Apple

 

co1 : gw kena tipu pas beli handphone iphone masa lambang apple-nya masih utuh blm kegigit
co2: gw lbh parah ,masa lambangnya apple-nya masih pohon blm berbuah . LOL

Gender neutral social experiments on children by liberals= CHILD ABUSE

You want to see the complete and utter crumbling of civilization? Put it in the hands of radical progressive liberals.

No 'him' or 'her'; preschool fights gender bias

WARNING: Some of the following content may stimulate gag reflex. Barf bag recommended.

At the "Egalia" preschool, staff avoid using words like "him" or "her" and address the 33 kids as "friends" rather than girls and boys.


From the color and placement of toys to the choice of books, every detail has been carefully planned to make sure the children don't fall into gender stereotypes.


"Society expects girls to be girlie, nice and pretty and boys to be manly, rough and outgoing," says Jenny Johnsson, a 31-year-old teacher. "Egalia gives them a fantastic opportunity to be whoever they want to be."


At Egalia — the title connotes "equality" — boys and girls play together with a toy kitchen, waving plastic utensils and pretending to cook. One boy hides inside the toy stove, his head popping out through a hole.


Lego bricks and other building blocks are intentionally placed next to the kitchen, to make sure the children draw no mental barriers between cooking and construction.


Director Lotta Rajalin notes that Egalia places a special emphasis on fostering an environment tolerant of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. From a bookcase, she pulls out a story about two male giraffes who are sad to be childless — until they come across an abandoned crocodile egg.


Nearly all the children's books deal with homosexual couples, single parents or adopted children. There are no "Snow White," "Cinderella" or other classic fairy tales seen as cementing stereotypes.

Oh, and my favorite part.... "Staff try to shed masculine and feminine references from their speech, including the pronouns him or her — "han" or "hon" in Swedish. Instead, they've have adopted the genderless "hen," a word that doesn't exist in Swedish but is used in some feminist and gay circles. "We use the word "Hen" for example when a doctor, police, electrician or plumber or such is coming to the kindergarten," Rajalin says. "We don't know if it's a he or a she so we just say 'Hen is coming around 2 p.m.' Then the children can imagine both a man or a woman. This widens their view."


There is so much crap above I cannot address all of it. Like the title of this blog post says, this is child abuse. These are radical liberals abusing children to the worst degree. This social experimentation on innocent children teaching them that everything right with the world is wrong and vice versa should be a crime punishable by years in prison!

TEBAK-TEBAKAN LAGI

Kenapa Sri Rama memilih Sinta?
Karena kulit Santi tak seputih kulit Sinta 

Nenek apa yang jalannya loncat-loncat? Nenek moyangnya kodok 

Monyet apa yang rambutnya panjang? Monyet gondrong 

Gimana cara terbang ke matahari tanpa kepanasan? Perginya malam hari 

 Kenapa di dalam bajaj nggak ada nyamuk? Karena nyamuk sini cuma takut tiga roda 

Kenapa bebek goreng rasanya enak? Karena ada huruf b-nya 

Siapa wanita Indonesia yg paling kuat? Nyonya Meneer, karena dia berdiri sejak th.1948 

 Apa persamaan Pangeran Dipenogoro dengan CutNyak Dien? Sama-sama nggak punya handphone

 Bagaimana cara membedakan zebra jantan dengan zebra betina? Kalo zebra jantan warna aslinya item garis-garis putih Kalo zebra betina warna aslinya putih garis-garis item 

Mengapa sepeda motor mereknya yamaha ? Sebab bikinan Jepang. Kalau bikinan Arab mereknya yamahmud 

Dalam bahasa kambing, sepeda disebut apa? Hebooooooooh .

Kalo rambut putih namanya uban, kalo rambut merah namanya pirang kalo rambut hijau namanya apa? Rambutan belom mateng 

Kenapa babi bau? Karena keteknya empat 

 Kenapa Superman nggak kawin sama Wonderwoman? Karena nggak jodoh 

Pintu apa yg di dorong2 sama 10 orang biarpun gede-gede nggak bakal terbuka? Pintu yang ada tulisannya TARIK 

 Lubang apa yang paling kecil di dunia? Lubang pantat. Angin aja kalo mau lewat mesti menjerit 

 Siapa nama istri patih gajah mada? Nyonya Gajah Mada 

 Ikan apa yang kepalanya besi? Ikan pinggang 

Apa beda srigala buta dan srigala yg melek? Srigala melek suaranya auuuuu kalo srigala buta auuuu ah elap.. 

Apa beda antara pacar dengan bis kota ? 
alo pacar jauh dimata dekat dihati, kalo bis kota jauh dekat Rp.1000

Sumber 

jodoh

"jika kamu LiaT BuLaN . . ItuLah senYUmKU" "Jika kamU berTEMu kuPU2 . . ItuLah MaLaikat pN9Ntar rindUKu" "Jika kamu mLihat BinTan9 . . ItuLah rasa sayAN9Ku" "Jika kamU mLihat AWaN . . ItuLah kasih saYAN9Ku" DAN.....!! "Jika kamU br'tEmu kaMb!n9" !tuLah j0d0hMu He hE....,...... Gud "П¡†ε..º°˚п¡†ε˚ . . Selamat mimpi. .... Buruk!! ¸.•*¨)¸.•*¨) =-?W̲̅a̲̅K̲̅¸.•*¨)¸.•*¨) (¸¸.•´ (¸¸.•´=-?W̲̅a̲̅K̲̅¸.•*¨)¸.•*¨) (¸¸.•´ (¸¸.•´=-?W̲̅a̲̅K̲̅ (¸¸.•´ (¸¸.•´

Sumber

Gokil

"INUL" dilarikan ke rumah sakit, karena muntah - muntah dan kejang perut. > Ketika diperiksa, ternyata Inul keracunan biscuit merk "RHOMA" > >


Jangan kawin dengan orang Telkom, tiap 3 menit putus... > Jangan kawin sama Dr Gigi, habis digoyang langsung dicabut... > Mendingan kawin sama Guru, kalau kurang puas bisa diulang sampai tuntas.


Kamu telungkup, aku tak suka. > Kamu miring, aku bingung. > Kamu telentang, aku masukin, > kamu kujepit, kita beradu, > oohhh....sandal jepitku. 

Kondom protes kepada softex: > ketika lu lagi dipake, penjualanku anjlok 7 hari. > > Softex menjawab: > Akh! Baru 7 hari, kalo lu bocor sekali saja, > penjualanku mandek 9 bulan tau...!!


Seorang gadis melapor ke kantor polisi, bahwa ia telah diperkosa 5x > oleh seorang kakek. > > Pengakuan kakek di depan polisi hanya 1x saja, > sedang yang selebihnya hanya isi ulang....!! 


Gajah bertanya kepada unta, > "ta, lucu ya ! Kok tete-mu bisa tumbuh di punggung ?" > > Unta marah dan membalas "Ngaca dulu, kenapa tititmu bisa > tumbuh di muka ?" 


Cewek telanjang nekat naik taksi, supir taksi pun melotot. > > Si cewek marah, "Nggak pernah liat orang telanjang, apa !" > > Supir taksi menjawab, > "Aku cuma bingung kamu nanti ngeluarin duit dari mana ?" 


Ada raja, kawin dengan 5 wanita bersaudara. > > Namanya Maribu, Marika, Marice, Marila, dan Marina . > > Kalau sang raja memanggil semuanya : > > MARIBUKACELANA, semua sini....  

Guru bertanya pada murid yang dikenal cukup badung. > Mau jadi apa kamu jika besar nanti, hanya mampu berhitung 1 sampai 10 > saja. > > Jawab anak: Jadi wasit tinju. 


Ingin besarkan payudara atau penis anda ? > Tanpa efek sampingan ! > Tanpa bahan kimia ! > Telah terbukti ! > Jaminan kami 100% berhasil > atau uang kembali ! > Gunakanlah...KACA PEMBESAR ! > 
Sumber

Baru naek pesawat ne

Pesawat Pontianak —► Jakarta bersiap take-off tapi tertunda gara-gara AYF  (org dusun udik yg baru pertama naik pesawat)dengan tiket ekonomi tapi ngotot pgn duduk di kelas bisnis.

Ade (pemilik kursi bisnis) :
”Maaf pak... Ini kursi saya”

AYF :
”Anda siapa..?”

Ade :
”Saya penumpang yang duduk disini pak..!"

AYF :
”Penumpang..?
Saya juga, sama2 bayar..!
Sesama penumpang, knp kamu mau ngatur2 ?"
 Ade lalu lapor ke pramugari.

Pramugari :
"Maaf pak AYF..
dari tiket bapak mestinya duduk di belakang"

AYF :
"Anda siapa..?"

Pramugari :
"Saya pramugari"

AYF :
"Pramugari itu apa ?

Pramugari :
"Pramugari itu yang melayani penumpang"

AYF :
"Oh, pelayan? saya kira siapa td, udahlah anda urus aja kerjaan anda
, Cuci piring di belakang. Gak usah ngatur2 saya. Pokoknya saya tetap duduk di sini. Anda mau apa??!!"

Pramugari habis akal, dia memanggil pilot.
 Pilot :
"Maaf pak,
mestinya bapak duduk di belakang..!! "

AYF :
"Siapa pula anda?"

Pilot : "Saya pilot pak"

AYF  :
"Pilot itu apa?

Pilot :
"Pilot itu yang mengemudikan pesawat ini"

AYF :
"Oh sopir..? Saya kira anda siapa, berpkaian kyk LLAJ, pake topi, tnyata cuma sopir. Pokoknya saya tetap disini. Mau apa anda? Ayo klo mau berkelahi. Bikin kesal saya saja".


A Cong, orang Cina  yang baru masuk pesawat mendengar ribut² bertanya pada pilot, kemudian dia manggut² & mendekati AYF sambil membisikkan sesuatu di telinganya, AYF tiba2 bangkit  sambil ngomél :
"Dasar supir goblok, pelayan kampret
Untung ada org Cina ini yg kasih tau. Klo gak, bakalan dibawa nyasar saya sm kalian.
 AYF pun pindah ke belakang,
Pilot merasa takjub, dia bertanya pada A Cong :
"Apa sih yang bapak bisikkan,
koq tiba² dia sukaréla pindah kursi ?"

A Cong :
"Owe tanya bapak mau ke mana?
Dia jawab mau ke Jakalta,
Owe bilang bapak duduknya salah,
kalo ke Jakalta duduknya di belakang,
yang di depan ini turun di Singapula... !!!​ =D.

My Celebrity Look-Alike, kinda

Morgan over at The Little Hen House started a cute little blog hop titled "I'm a Celebrity Look-Alike" and while clearly I am a special individual, I have been told in the past that I slightly resemble Alyson Hannigan (Of Buffy and American Pie fame, and more recently on How I Met Your Mother).

So here is my contribution to this cute little blog hop. Do you resemble anyone famous too?

The Buffy Years

ME

Cute, no?

Ketahuan jadi nya

Ada dua orang sahabat, Salim dan Jono, bekerja pada sebuah perusahaan besar. Suatu saat mereka berdua ada tugas training ke Jakarta selama 1 bulan penuh. Karena jauh dari istri, pada hari ke-20 mereka tidak tahan untuk melampiaskan nafsu mereka.
Akhirnya Salim mengajak Jono ketempat lokalisasi. Setibanya disana, cewek yang ada cuma ada satu, yang lain sedang di booking. Lalu mereka kompromi, Jono mempersilahkan Salim untuk masuk kamar duluan bersama cewek tersebut.
Selang 20 menit Si Salim keluar kamar….
Jono: “Gimana Lim?”.
Salim: “Biasa aja tuh, masih enakan istriku dirumah”.
Setelah itu Jono masuk ke kamar dan 25 menit kemudian dia keluar sambil berkata:
Jono: “Betul katamu Lim, masih enakan istri kamu…”.

Haa..haaahah.hhhaa
Sumber :

Indomie

 

 

Tunjukkan gigi loe,ech salah aksi loe

Pagi ini aq lapar bgt,,liat dimeja blom ada makanan,,pas buka lemari ane nemu 1 bungkus indomie..lgsg aja ane masak,,tak lama kakak dtg & brsabda '' tu indomie yg dilemarikan ?? Dah kadaluarsa tu,,lupa kakak td mbuangnya,,akhir td pagi aq ngk jadi sarapan,,itu ceritaku,,apa cerita indomie mu hari ini ??

Konser Anang

Di senayan ada konser COKELAT, ANANG sama GIGI. Tp katanya si ANANG ngambek gak mau manggung! Panitia jd Resah kenapa Anang jd Plin Plan n Belagu. Slidik punya selidik... Ga taunya Anang ngambek krn đ̤̥̬̈̊ɪ̤̥̬̇̈̊ spanduk tertulis : "SAKSIKAN...!! GIGI ANANG COKELAT'' =D . Ɯǩάº°˚ Ɯǩάº°˚ Ɯǩάº°˚…

I was once locked inside a club over night. Ya I am awesome

Way back when, when I was 18 years old, I played slo-pitch for a local ‘club’ even thought I was underage. I remember using my sister’s old driver’s license to get in one day, and thankfully her first name is not the name she goes by, or me mentioning she was my sister as I introduced myself to the head bouncer while HE WAS CHECKING MY ID would have resulted in me being firmly escorted off the premises. She had mentioned to me that she knew him, so I foolishly thought it was a good idea to say Hi, in hopes it would give me some kind of preferential treatment.

Luck was on my side, because from the day forward I was treated like a princess there.

It became a bit of a ritual for those of us waiting for the staff to clean up at the end of the night to hang out on the couch by the main entrance. Sometimes there were several of us, sometimes just me, but every night the staff would gather there when they were finished and we would all go about our own way; either together to an after party, or separate homes after sharing one last drink.

It never crossed my mind that I might be left there one night.

I vaguely recall drinking my face off that night, and even more vaguely remember laying down on the couch, but what I DO remember quite vividly is waking up at 5am and having no idea where the fuck I was. It became pretty obvious when I jumped up and ran into the back room and the alarm started going off that I wasn’t in my house thought. Thankfully the janitor happened to be in the parking lot grabbing something from his car, because the door WAS unlocked and I was able to escape.

I hauled some pretty serious ass home and crashed for a few more hours, but was woken up sometime around 10am by a phone call from the Manager. He was a little curious as to who was in the club that morning and it didn’t take a genius to figure out it was me.

That club is closed now, but for YEARS afterwards, they would do ‘Carmen Checks”. It became quite a joke to spread out at the end of the night with each staff member checking every nook and cranny of the place to make sure I wasn’t hiding. Plenty of times this was done right in front of me for a good laugh.

Ya, HILARIOUS.

But hey, to this day I can proudly admit that I am the only person to ever be locked inside that club overnight. In hindsight, I should have ransacked the bar and took home some expensive bottles.

Seriously, a single girl on a budget needs a substantial liquor stash y’all.

Monday Shank - $$$ not well spent

Today I had warned someone they were going to be my Monday shank; one, because I was kinda pissed off about something, and two, because I truly wanted them to understand I was pissed off about it but I didn't want to make a huge ordeal about it.

I have decided that I am not going to shank that person today. And not because I am any less upset about something, but because I have bigger fish to fry.

Because today, I would like to shank my hubby.

Surprised?

My hubby decided, that because his little brother's birthday happened to fall on Father's Day weekend, that meant he was obligated to pay for his, his father's and his younger brother's golf outing yesterday. AND NOT TELL ME ABOUT IT. I am not sure what I am more angry about... finding the withdrawal on the bank statement, or the fact that he thought this was OK???

Golfing aint cheap 'yo. Especially not for 3 people.

This is how I saw it go down: Hubby and BIL pay their OWN way and they split Father's green fee's (is that what its called?) and lunch. End.Of.Story.

little brother just got an expensive birthday present, AND GOT OUT OF SPENDING A CENT ON HIS OWN DAD FOR FATHER'S DAY.

My hubby's response? "I thought you would understand".

Newsflash: WE NEVER UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU DO STUPID THINGS

So today, my Hubby deserves my Monday's Shank. I have a weird feeling we're gonna see a lot of him here. Just a wild stab in the dark. (See what I did there?)

2011 Spring Summer Hats Collection for Womans

An impressive hats was coming for this 2011 to complete your collection specially for womans who like an hats to decorate their top side fashion styles. This spring summer hats collection was drawn on three themes united by one concept called The Rococo Movement and this will be summed up in the phrase “The essential object is to please”. For the first spring summer hats themes they show pleasing muted pastels and asymetrical shapes which become the one of the unique design in this collections. The secondspring summer hats collection is talk about the contrast which has rich strong colours and line with redolent of funfairs and clowns. And the final one is themed about classic, simple, sharp and timeless.

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Fashion Trends 2011 Clothing Styles From Miley Cyrus