Birthday obsessions, and how I wont let them beat me!

I have a love/hate relationship with birthdays.

I am a twin, and while we were kids we always shared out birthday parties. I mean, it makes sense doesn’t it? We went to the same school, but since he’s a dude, we didn’t have the same friends. This caused some limitations to the amount of people we could invite, but all in all, it usually worked out. At least from what I remember.

But then came our 6^th birthday.

I vaguely recall it was a house party, games, cake, balloons…the usual. But what I remember the most clearly was me, sitting under the end table in our family living room in tears for pretty much the whole thing. You see, my twin brother had every single friend show up to HIS party.

I had ZERO.

In fact, one of the Mom’s even RSVP’d that her daughter wouldn’t be able to make it because she was ‘afraid of birthday parties’. Poor kid, huh? I would have been a little more sympathetic if this same kid didn’t have her own birthday party 2 weeks later. One I wasn’t invited to.

Bitch. 6 year olds can be MEAN!

It wasn’t until only a few years ago that I remembered this, and it made me wonder if perhaps my strange addiction to birthdays is a direct result from this traumatic experience in my life. See, I completely OBSSESS about birthdays, and not just my own. And once they are over, I am stupidly excited to help plan the next one.

But this is where it gets weird for me. The let down (after my birthday, not anyone elses) is DEPRESSING. I find about a zillion things to feel sad about, that I wonder why I even planned anything in the first place. I am weirdo, I know. But I start to question my friendships, my loved ones, MYSELF, and think “Is there something so wrong with me that people can’t just make me feel special for one damn day of the year?”

I don’t have high expectations or anything. No sirreeeeee.

My birthday is coming up in a few months and I have decided that THIS YEAR I am not doing anything. Well, Ill probably go out and get shitfaced with my girlfriends, but as far as planning something big and outrageous, it’s a done deal. Nothing will be planned. I want to avoid the let down this year. I want to avoid feeling like no one loves me. Because I KNOW THEY DO. I am just high maintenance.

Maybe this year Ill spend the actual day under my end table in my living room reminiscing about that tragic day back in the 80’s. With a bottle of wine this time though.