Well, December is finally coming to a close. This is one month I would like to disappear from my memory. Not only painful, but stressful and frustrating as well. (I guess that can be included in painful).
Lots of plans have been put in place, one of which includes a new place to live. I found one, put a deposit, and now I am just sitting around waiting for the 15th. It sucks to be in the same place knowing that you are no longer together, but trying to keep things normal for Sadie. I don't think either of us really know what to say to each other... but the sadness has sure taken over. I will miss him. I will miss US. But I wont miss those things that I can't live WITH which is why this is the right decision.
I do believe he is finally agreeing with me on that as well.
I have my moments when I think that he doesn't even really like me. That hurts, because in the end, I still love him with all my heart. It's funny how quickly it just becomes too much...I mean, I have done a pretty good job of being patient and understanding, while deep down building up this wall that one day was just THERE and the day before it wasn't. Such a weird feeling to have to be honest. I guess when you are done, you are done.
Doesn't help with the tears though. They come pretty frequent.
With all that said, I am a little bit excited, nervous, apprehensive, and SCARED about this new chapter in our lives. I am almost 30 and starting over, and while I am a strong, independent woman, I can't help but feel overwhelmed at the thought of being on my own again. Actually, who am I kidding??? This is some seriously scary shit! It is so much easier to stay, and be unhappy, then it is to move on and start over isn't it? I do have those fleeting moments where I wonder what the heck I am getting myself into...
Chin Up.
I can do it
WE can do it.
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